Do massage parlors have “happy endings” for women?  I should hope so.  If not it would be incredibly sexist.  IJS.

At least I’m not the only one to think so.  I wonder if I could do that… some hot masseur has me slathered all up on the table… it’s been an incredibly stressful day… “Ms. Champagne… would you like a little release?” Pierre asks politely.  *giggle*

DJ, a commenter on the above-mentioned post, suggested “Technology of Orgasm” as a great book about the female O.  She writes about happy endings, “This job used to be done by doctors. In fact, getting a hand-job was the #1 reason women went to the doctor about a hundred years ago.”

Huhn.  My doctor doesn’t do that.  :  (

Oh, I see… it’s called Sensual or Tantric Massage for us ladies… that sounds a lot nicer.  Sexuality.org has a lovely little article about giving your own tantric massages (I’m a do-it-yerself type o’ gal), the following are just snippets:

“It’s best to perform erotic massage while your partner is lying on a massage table of some kind. After preparing your space to be warm and pleasing, you can start with a sensual and relaxing general massage before shifting the focus to your partner’s sex centers. The idea is to bring your partner to high levels of arousal, and keep her there for a while. For women, this is best done by using G-Spot and/or clitoral massage to bring her to multiple orgasms, which naturally tend to take place over an extended period of time.

Putting a CD of your favorite music on repeat play is a good idea. Some people are more comfortable with a pillow or rolled bath towel underneath their knees and/or head (when lying face up) or their ankles (when lying face down), and some women will be more comfortable with a pillow underneath their hips; if this is your first massage with your partner you might want to experiment a little or ask her.

One similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs to be used when massaging their genitals: this will make the experience more pleasurable and prevent sore spots from developing. One difference between men and women is that one may use oil-based, water-based, or silicone-based lubricants on men, while one should use only water-based lubricants on women to avoid encouraging vaginal infections.

During both the relaxation and genital phases of your erotic massage it’s important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable making requests and comments. He or she should feel free to mention anything that is getting in the way of his or her comfort and pleasure.

Relaxing Your Partner’s Body

Start by connecting with your partner. There may be specific ways you and your partner prefer to do this. If not, try kind words, soft gazing into each other’s eyes, synchronized breathing, and/or caressing each others’ faces or hands.

When both of you are ready, have your partner lie face down, naked, on the massage table. Start by quieting and focusing your mind while resting your hands on the receiving partner’s upper and lower back. Then, perform a relaxing massage on the back, legs, and feet. Basic principles of relaxing massage include keeping your hands in contact with your partner, taking your time, being rhythmic yet sensitive, and proceeding from long gliding strokes to deeper ones. When giving a massage be sure to use good body mechanics: use your body weight rather than arm strength for deep strokes, during gliding strokes keep your knees slightly bent and fluid, and don’t lean over the table.

After relaxing your partner’s back, legs, and feet, have her turn over. Massage the chest, arms, and hands. Then glide down to the legs. It can feel good to brush the genitals when going down to the legs. After finishing the fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush over the genitals, teasing them. This teasing process can be drawn out by brushing the inner thighs near the genitals, very lightly touching the pubic region, etc. At this point erotic energy is often building, making it a natural time to start shifting the focus to more explicitly sexual activities.

Especially if this is your first massage with this partner, it’s a good idea to look into your partner’s eyes while cradling her genitals, and somehow ask her permission to go further. The rest of the massage will focus on the genitals, with periodic sweeps up and down the body to spread, balance, and integrate the sensations. One of the skills that comes with practice is being able to read the energy and arousal levels of your partner, and smoothly and gradually ramp up from relaxing massage to more arousing and sexual massage.

Pleasuring Your Partner’s Sex Centers

Female (check out the Website for the Male version)

Introduction

Female sexual response is often significantly different from male sexual response, in the following ways:

1. Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states, and feelings of warmth towards her partner.
2. Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot stimulation and through clitoral stimulation. Many women characterize the clitoral orgasms as “sharper” and the G-Spot orgasms as “deeper”.
3. Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual stimulation they like, and how they like it done.
4. Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but can often last longer and be more intense than that which men commonly experience.
5. Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues following the first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).

It’s because of #5 that the basic approach to erotic massage differs between women and men. Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation all the way through one orgasm and into the next, there is little or no need for them to hold back in any way. Having orgasms in a series can cause arousal levels to float for a long time at a very high level.

Suggested Types of Stimulation

Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation. Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has a “free hand” which may be used to glide over the rest of her body, tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form “connections” with other parts of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body at the same time as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc.

Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most commonly favored among women, there are many more. Refer to Appendix B or examine the resources in this guide’s “Learning More” section for more ideas.

“Clitoral” - When massaging her clitoris, learn what part of it feels best to her. Going in circles around it softly and rhythmically with a lubricated finger is a good way to proceed, at least until you get more specific feedback or until you uncover something that obviously feels better. Once you find something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key to further pleasure. Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good ways to accomplish this, though penetration of any kind usually doesn’t feel good to someone who isn’t aroused, so it probably isn’t what she would want you to start right out with.

“ G-Spot“ - The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you’ve found her G-Spot, and it often feels more “ridged” than the surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT urine, but IS expelled through the urethra. One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first and second fingers together (possibly starting with just your first finger). Make rhythmic gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to “come here”. Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular fashion. Generally, it’s the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot. Another approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with even pressure against all areas of it. Be aware that the shape of the vagina changes as a woman’s arousal level increases. You’ll probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards during extreme arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a little farther from center in order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal walls. G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.

“Vibrator” - Vibrators generally work best on or near the clitoris. If the vibration is too intense, switch to a lower speed or put a cloth between the vibrator and her clitoris. It’s OK to let your partner hold the vibrator. It’s also fun for a vibrator to be used clitorally at the same time vaginal penetration is being performed. The most versatile vibrators are the standard plug-in models such as the Hitachi Magic Wand.

“Verbal and Non-Verbal Encouragement” - It’s helpful to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner’s desires). Sexy complements, eye contact, etc. are also nice additions. Many sexual difficulties (especially for women, it seems) stem from worries: worrying that her partner is getting tired of pleasuring her, that she isn’t coming fast enough, etc. Letting your receiving partner know verbally and non-verbally that you’re actively enjoying giving her pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac for her.

Cocooning
It’s nice to fold the sheet/blanket combination over your partner when you two are finished. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.

Appendix A: More Stimulation Ideas

Selected from The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex

• LABIAL MASSAGE
  “Place a well-oiled (or lubed) hand over her labia, fingers pointing towards her anus. Pull up toward the navel and alternate hands. Explore the inner and outer lips with your fingers. Pull gently on one and then the other. Rub the outer lips gently between your forefinger and thumb, then the inner lips.”

Selected from SM 101

• A-ONE AND A-TWO AND A-THREE
  “Try inserting your first two fingers into her, then arch your thumb back ‘hitch-hiker’ style and thrust in until your thumb rests against her clitoris. You can use a variety of thrusting and twisting motions in this position. You can also vibrate your entire hand.”
• CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR
  “If your partner has a particular spot that they like to have licked or caressed, try doing so very close to but not quite on that spot - except perhaps occasionally. This trick will make them take longer to reach their orgasm, but they will likely have a much stronger, more powerful orgasm when it finally does happen. As a variant, you can do the ‘not quite on target’ until they get close to coming, then switch to the target itself, thus earning their gratitude.”
• PUSH HERE TO START
  “Gently insert one finger deeply into her vagina and, when she’s ready, insert a second. Then take your thumb and place it against her anus. Don’t insert it. Instead, press there while you move your fingers.”
• TAP DANCING
  “Place the palm of your hand on her mons (the mound where her pubic hair is), and rest your fingers lightly on her vaginal lips. Rest your thumb on her opposite thigh. Lightly but firmly press your palm onto her mons and begin to move your hand in a tiny circular motion. You palm should not slide too much over her skin during this process. Instead, her skin should move underneath it. Repeat this process until you have done ten circles. You then raise your fingers and lightly tap her vaginal lips about once a second until you have given her ten taps. Please note that these are light taps, not spanks. They shouldn’t hurt. After giving the taps, rest your hand for five to ten seconds. Then repeat the circles, then repeat the taps, then rest again, then repeat the circles…”

Selected from The Guide to Getting it On!

• CERVIX CLOCK
  “A woman’s cervix can usually be found in the upper rear part of her vagina. The cervix feels like a little dome of tissue, and may also have a small cleft in the middle, like your chin. Carefully stimulate the area surrounding the cervix. Some women may enjoy this and want you to do it more often; others won’t.”
• FINGERS ON THE HOOD
  “Given how the clitoral area is often more sensitive than any single part of the penis, you don’t want the rough skin of your fingers rubbing across it. Gently push and pull on the clitoral hood and labia when first touching a woman’s genitals. Using the lips as leverage can provide pleasing stimulation without painful friction.”
• FROM THE OUTSIDE
  “Lay your free hand over the lower part of your partner’s abdomen. Experiment by applying different kinds of pressure with the top hand while fingers from your other hand are inside her vagina.”
• IMITATIONS
  “An excellent way to learn more about pleasing your partner is to rest your fingers over hers while she is masturbating herself. Then do the reverse, with her fingers acting as guides for your own.”
• OFF THE EDGE
  “Another form of genital massage can be done by holding a lubricated lip between your thumb and forefinger. While squeezing just a little, pull your fingers straight away from the woman’s body. Your fingers will end up in the air an inch or two above her body, as though you had pulled them off the edge of a tabletop or sheet of paper. If she likes this, repeat it many times.”
• OVARIES
  “Ask your partner to help you locate her ovaries. They can usually be felt in the deepest part of the vagina and to the far left or right. Some women will like you to massage this area, others will find it painful. Sensitivity will also vary with her menstrual status.”
• PROPER INVITE
  “Begin with a light, gentle caress that barely touches the inner thighs and pubic hair. Don’t go much further until your partner’s pelvis begins to arch upwards. Tease and caress until the lips of her vulva invite your fingers inside.”
• TRACING
  “After applying lubrication, it might be nice to begin with one of the large outer lips. Place the lucky lip between your thumb and forefinger, clasping it at the base where it attaches to the main part of your partner’s body. Then run your fingers (or fingertip) from the lower to upper part of the lip, as though you were tracing one side of a parenthesis. Repeat this as long as your partner’s feedback is positive. You can also make an upside down horseshoe pattern with a fingertip by starting at the lower inside part of one lip and finishing at the lower inside part of the other. It could be fun to do this with both inner and outer lips.”

Selected from Annie Sprinkle and Joseph Kramer’s Fire in the Valley: Female Genital Massage